Sigmund Freud's Impersonation of Albert Einstein in America (By Randy Newman)

The world of science is my game
And Albert Einstein is my name
I was born in Germany
And I'm happy yo be
Here in the land of the brave and the free

In the year of nineteen five
Merely trying to survive
Took my knapsack in my hand
Caught a train for Switzerland

America America
God shed his grace on Thee
You have whipped the Fliipino
Now you rule the Western Sea

Americans dream of gypsies, I have found
And gypsy knives and gypsy thighs
That pound and pound and pound and pound
And African appendages that almost reach the ground
And little boys playing baseball in the rain

America, America
Step out into the light
You're the best dream man has ever dreamed
And may all your Christmases be white

REM - Driver 8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuFId1RYSZE&ob=av3n

OBL was SO looking forward to this month's "My Beautiful Home!"

Creeping Sharia

If you use it as a ground cover, can it be planted in shady areas, or does it always need direct sunlight?

Any Democratic Consultant Out There Who Wants to Make this Ad?

Opening Title: "Tea Party Caucus: US Congress - January, 2011"

Scene: A small auditorium with a lecturn in front. Two men who look like John Boener and Mitch McConnell stand behind it. The room is filled - some dressed in business clothes, a witch prominently in front, several men in revolutionary war uniforms. A few casually dressed men and women with assault rifles. There is much shouting and jockeying for position as they look for their seats...

Leader: "Ok, settle down people. Our first order of business is to determine what our top legislative priorities will be"

Crazy eyed woman who looks like Michelle Bachmann: "The birth certificate. We can't have a Muslim terrorist running our country"

Man in Patriot Costume: "No, we need to repeal the 17th Ammendment, the founders never believed that the people could be trusted to elect their own Senators"

Man in Business Suit (guilty looking, looks both ways to see if the rest are on to his motivation): "Before we do anything we have to extend the Bush tax cuts for Millionaires"

Leader: "OK good ideas. I've also got some here, establish Christianity as the state religion, ban abortions for rape and incest victims and oh yeah, allow guns in elementary schools"

Leader 2: "I think we missed some very important people in the back of the room"

Leader 1: "Our sponsors, I mean the Lobbyists"

Lobbyist (in the process of handing cash to people) "We'll we've got to put an end to health insurance reform so at least we can start dropping people if they get sick"

Lobbyist2 "Ok, but not until we end all restrictions on offshore oil drilling"

Leader: "well it looks as if there's a lot on our plate here"

Voice from crowd: "wouldn't it be easier to just start a whole series of pointless investigations for a year or two?"

Crowd voices: sounds of agreement

Leader2: "That settles it"

Carly Fiorina Costumes Popular This Halloween

The Canonical Carly Fiorina Parody

It hasn't been updated in a while, but if you haven't read through it, you might get a chuckle or two from the Official Karla Fidora Campaign Blog.

Steve King Demands ‘Blood Oath’ From Boehner To Shut Down The Government

Mole killer Steve King continues to incite mayhem.

Men Go Crazy in Congregations, They Only Get Better One by One

Crusin' Cooler: Perfect for your Next Tea Party Rally

Welcome Wonkette Friends...

Guess I need to start posting something here...

Three More Months To Go; What Can He Screw Up Next?

Take Your VP to Work Day!

John McCain Defending Carly Fiorina! Another magnificent job of vetting!

Arrrrr!!!! It Be Sarah Palin's Acceptance Speech Translated into Pirate Talk

Mr. Chairman, delegates, an' swabbie citizens: I be honored t' be considered fer th' nomination fer vice president o' th' United States.

I accept th' call t' help our nominee fer president t' serve an' defend America.

I accept th' challenge o' a tough swashbuckle in this election against confident opponents at a crucial hour fer our country.

An' I accept th' privilege o' servin' wi' a man who has come through much harder missions ... an' met far gra'er challenges an' knows how tough fights be won — th' next president o' th' United States, John S. McCain.

't be jus' a voyage ago when all th' experts in Washington counted ou' our nominee on accoun' o' he refused t' hedge his commitment t' th' security o' th' country he loves.

Wi' the'r usual certitude, they told us that all be lost — thar be nay hope fer this candidate who spake that he would rather lose an election than be seein' his country lose a war.

But th' pollsters an' pundits overlooked jus' one thin' when they wrote th' lad's off.

They overlooked th' caliber o' th' man hisself — th' determination, resolve, an' sheer guts o' Sen. John McCain. Th' voters knew better.

An' maybe that`s on accoun' o' they reckon thar be a time fer politics an' a time fer leadership ... a time t' campaign an' a time t' put our country first.

Our nominee fer president be a true profile in courage, an' swabbies like that be hard t' come by.

He`s a man who wore th' uniform o' this country fer 22 voyages an' refused t' break faith wi' them troops in Iraq who be havin' now brought victory within sight.

An' as th' mother o' one o' them troops, that be exactly th' kind o' man I want as commander in chief. I be jus' one o' many moms who`ll say an extra prayer each night fer our sons an' lasss goin' into harm`s way.

Our lad Track be 19.

An' one tides from next high tide' — Sept. 11 — he`ll deploy t' Iraq wi' th' Army infantry in th' service o' his country.

Me nephew Kasey also enlisted an' serves on a carrier in th' Persian Gulf.

Me family be proud o' both o' them an' o' all th' fine men an' lasses servin' th' country in uniform. Track be th' eldest o' our five children.

In our family, 'tis two boys an' three lasses in between — me strong an' kind-hearted lasss, Bristol, Willow an' Piper.

An' in April, me husband, Todd, an' I welcomed our littlest one into th' world, a perfectly beautiful baby boy named Trig. From th' inside, nay family ereseems typical.

That`s how 'tis wi' us.

Our family has th' same ups an' downs as any other — th' same challenges an' th' same joys.

Sometimes e'en th' greatest joys brin' challenge.

An' children wi' special needs inspire a special love.

T' th' families o' special-needs children all across this country, I be havin' a message: Fer voyages, ye sought t' make America a more welcomin' place fer yer sons an' lasss.

I pledge t' ye that if we be elected, ye will be havin' a matey an' advocate in th' White House. Todd be a story all by hisself.

He`s a lifelong commercial fisherman ... a production operator in th' oil fields o' Alaska`s North Slope ... a proud member o' th' United Steel Workers Union ... an' world champion snow machine racer.

Throw in his Yup`ik Eskimo ancestry, an' 't all makes fer quite a package.

We met in high school, an' two decades an' five children later he`s still me guy. Me mom an' dad both worked at th' elementary school in our wee town.

An' among th' many things I owe them be one simple lesson: that this be America, an' ever' lass can keel haul through ever' door o' opportunity.

Me parents be here tonight, an' I be so proud t' be th' lass o' Chuck an' Sally Heath. Long ago, a young farmer an' haberdasher from Missouri followed an unlikely path t' th' vice presidency.

A writer observed: "We grow good swabbies in our wee towns, wi' honesty, sincerity, an' dignity." I know jus' th' kind o' swabbies that writer had in mind when he praised Harry Truman.

I grew up wi' them swabbies.

They be th' ones who do some o' th' hardest work in America who grow our food, run our factories an' swashbuckle our wars.

They love the'r country, in good times an' bad, an' they's always proud o' America. I had th' privilege o' livin' most o' me life in a wee town.

I be jus' yer average hockey mom an' signed up fer th' PTA on accoun' o' I wanted t' make me kids` public education better.

When I ran fer City Council, I didna need focus squadrons an' voter profiles on accoun' o' I knew them voters, an' knew the'r families, too.

Before I became governor o' th' great state o' Alaska, I be mayor o' me hometown.

An' since our opponents in this presidential election seem t' look down on that experience, let me explain t' them what th' job involves.

I guess a wee-town mayor be sort o' like a "community organizer," 'ceptin' that ye be havin' actual responsibilities. I might add that in wee towns, we dasn't quite know what t' make o' a candidate who lavishes praise on workin' swabbies when they be listenin', an' then talks about how bitterly they clin' t' the'r religion an' cannons when them swabbies aren`t listenin'.

We tend t' prefer candidates who dasn't talk about us one way in Scranton an' another way in San Francisco.

As fer me runnin' mate, ye can be certain that whererehe goes, an' whoereis listenin', John McCain be th' same man. I be nay a member o' th' permanent political establishment. An' I`ve learned smartly, these past wee days, that if ye`re nay a member in good standin' o' th' Washington elite, then some in th' media consider a candidate unqualified fer that reason alone.

But here`s a wee news flash fer all them reporters an' commentators: I be nay goin' t' Washington t' seek the'r good opinion. I be goin' t' Washington t' serve th' swabbies o' this country. Americans expect us t' go t' Washington fer th' starboard reasons, an' nay jus' t' mingle wi' th' starboard swabbies.

Politics t'ain't jus' a game o' clashin' parties an' competin' interests.

Th' starboard reason be t' challenge th' status quo, t' serve th' common good, an' t' leave this nation better than we found 't.

Nay one expects us t' agree on everythin'.

But we be expected t' govern wi' integrity, good will, clear convictions, an' ... a servant`s heart.

I pledge t' all Americans that I will carry myself in this spirit as vice president o' th' United States. This be th' spirit that brought me t' th' governor`s office, when I tookst on th' old politics as usual in Juneau ... when I stood up t' th' special interests, th' lobbyists, big oil companies, an' th' good-ol` boys network.

Sudden an' relentless reform neresits well wi' entrenched interests an' power brokers. That`s why true reform be so hard t' achieve.

But wi' th' support o' th' citizens o' Alaska, we shook things up.

An' in short order we put th' government o' our state aft on th' side o' th' swabbies.

I came t' office promisin' major ethics reform, t' end th' culture o' self-dealin'. An' today, that ethics reform be th' law.

While I be at 't, I got rid o' a wee things in th' governor`s office that I didna b'lieve our citizens ortin' ta be havin' t' pay fer.

That luxury jet be o'er th' top. I put 't on eBay.

I also drive myself t' work.

An' I thought we could muddle through without th' governor`s swabbieal chef — although I`ve got t' admit that sometimes me kids sure miss th' lass'. I came t' office promisin' t' control spendin' — by request if possible an' by veto if necessary.

Sen. McCain also promises t' use th' power o' veto in defense o' th' public interest — an' as a chief executive, I can assure ye 't works.

Our state budget be under control.

We be havin' a surplus.

An' I be havin' protected th' taxpayers by vetoin' wasteful spending: nearly half a billion pieces o' eight in vetoes.

I suspended th' state fuel tax an' championed reform t' end th' abuses o' earmark spendin' by Congress.

I told th' Congress "thanks, but nay thanks," fer that Bridge t' Nowhere.

If our state wanted a bridge, we`d build 't ourselves. When oil an' gas prices sailed' up dramatically, an' filled up th' state treasury, I sent a large share o' that revenue aft 'ere 't belonged — directly t' th' swabbies o' Alaska.

An' despite fierce opposition from oil company lobbyists, who kind o' liked things th' way they be, we broke the'r monopoly on power an' resources.

As governor, I insisted on competition an' basic fairness t' end the'r control o' our state an' return 't t' th' swabbies.

I fought t' brin' about th' largest private-sector infrastructure project in North American history.

An' when that deal be struck, we began a nearly 40 billion-piece o' eight natural gas pipeline t' help lead America t' energy independence.

That pipeline, when th' last section be laid an' its valves be opened, will lead America one step farther away from dependence on dangerous foreign powers that do nay be havin' our interests at heart.

Th' stakes fer our nation couldna be higher.

When a hurricane strikes in th' Gulf o' Mexico, this country ortin't be so dependent on imported oil that we be forced t' draw from our Strategic Petroleum Reserve.

An' families cannot throw away more an' more o' the'r paychecks on gas an' heatin' oil.

Wi' Russia wantin' t' control a vital pipeline in th' Caucasus, an' t' divide an' intimidate our European allies by usin' energy as a weapon, we cannot leave ourselves at th' mercy o' foreign suppliers.

T' confore th' threat that Iran might seek t' cut off nearly a fifth o' world energy supplies ... or that terrorists might strike again at th' Abqaiq facility in Saudi Arabia ... or that Venezuela might shut off its oil deliveries ... we Americans need t' produce more o' our own oil an' gas.

An' take 't from a gal who knows th' North Slope o' Alaska: We`ve got lots o' both.

Our opponents say, again an' again, that drillin' will nay solve all o' America`s energy problems — as if we all didna know that already.

But th' fact that drillin' won`t solve ever' problem be nay excuse t' do nothin' at all.

Startin' in Janree, in a McCain-Palin administration, we`re goin' t' lay more pipelines ... build more nuclear plants ... create jobs wi' clist coal ... an' move fore on solar, wind, geothermal an' other alternative sources.

We need American energy resources, brought t' ye by American ingenuity, an' produced by American workers. I`ve noticed a pattern wi' our opponent.

Maybe ye be havin', too.

We`ve all heard his dramatic speeches before devoted followers.

An' thar be much t' like an' admire about our opponent.

But listenin' t' th' lad's speak, 'tis easy t' forget that this be a man who has authored two memoirs but nay a single major law or reform — nay e'en in th' state Senate.

This be a man who can give an entire speech about th' wars America be fightin' an' nereuse th' word "victory" 'ceptin' when he`s talkin' about his own campaign. But when th' cloud o' rhetoric has passed ... when th' roar o' th' crowd fades away ... when th' stadium lights go ou', an' them Styrofoam Greek columns be hauled aft t' some studio lot — what exactly be our opponent`s plan? What does he actually seek t' accomplish, after he`s done turnin' aft th' waters an' healin' th' planet? Th' answer be t' make government bigger ... take more o' yer treasure ... give ye more orders from Washington ... an' t' reduce th' strength o' America in a dangerous world. America needs more energy ... our opponent be against producin' 't.

Victory in Iraq be finally in sight ... he wants t' forfeit.

Terrorist states be seekin' nuclear weapons without delay ... he wants t' meet them without preconditions.

Al-Qaida terrorists still plot t' inflict catastrophic harm on America ... he`s worried that someone won`t read them the'r starboards? Government be too big ... he wants t' grow 't.

Congress spends too much ... he promises more.

Taxes be too high ... he wants t' raise them. His tax increases be th' fine print in his economic plan, an' let me be specific.

Th' Democratic nominee fer president supports plans t' raise income taxes ... raise payroll taxes ... raise investment income taxes ... raise th' Davy Jones' locker tax ... raise business taxes ... an' increase th' tax burden on th' American swabbies by buckets o' billions o' pieces o' eight. Me lassie Heather an' th' lass' husband be havin' jus' built a service station that`s now opened fer business — like cargo holds o' others who run wee businesses.

How be they goin' t' be any better off if taxes go up? Or maybe ye`re tryin' t' keep yer job at a plant in Michigan or Ohio ... or create jobs wi' clist coal from Pennsylvania or West Virginia ... or keep a wee farm in th' family starboard here in Minnesota.

How be ye goin' t' be better off if our opponent adds a massive tax burden t' th' American economy? Here`s how I eyeball th' choice Americans face in this election.

In politics, thar be some candidates who use change t' promote the'r careers.

An' then thar be them, like John McCain, who use the'r careers t' promote change.

They's th' ones whose names appear on laws an' landmark reforms, nay jus' on buttons an' banners, or on self-designed presidential seals.

Among politicians, thar be th' idealism o' high-flown speechmakin', in which crowds be stirringly summoned t' support great things.

An' then thar be th' idealism o' them leaders, like John McCain, who actually do great things. They's th' ones who be good fer more than talk ... th' ones we be havin' always been able t' count on t' serve an' defend America. Sen. McCain`s record o' actual achievement an' reform helps explain why so many special interests, lobbyists an' comfortable committee chairmen in Congress be havin' fought th' prospect o' a McCain presidency — from th' primary election o' 2000 t' this very tide.

Our nominee dasn't run wi' th' Washington herd.

He`s a man who`s thar t' serve his country, an' nay jus' his party.

A leader who`s nay lookin' fer a swashbuckle, but be nay lily livered o' one either. Harry Reid, th' majority leader o' th' current do-nothin' Senate, nay long ago summed up his feelings about our nominee.

He spake, quote, "I canna stand John McCain." Ladies an' gentlemen, perhaps nay accolade we hear this tides be better proof that we`ve chosen th' starboard man. Clearly what th' majority leader be drivin' at be that he canna stand up t' John McCain. That be only one more reason t' take th' maverick o' th' Senate an' put th' lad's in th' White House. Me swabbie citizens, th' American presidency be nay supposed t' be a journey o' "swabbieal discovery." This world o' threats an' dangers be nay jus' a community, an' 't dasn't jus' need an organizer.

An' tho both Sen. Obama an' Sen. Biden ben goin' on lately about how they be always, quote, "fightin' fer ye," let us face th' matter squarely.

Thar be only one man in this election who has erereally fought fer ye ... in places 'ere winnin' means survival an' defeat means Davy Jones' locker ... an' that man be John McCain. In our tide, politicians be havin' readily shared much lesser tales o' adversity than th' nightmare world in which this man, an' others equally brave, served an' suffered fer the'r country.

`Tis a long way from th' fear an' pain an' squalor o' a 6-by-4 cell in Hanoi t' th' Oval Office.

But if Sen. McCain be elected president, that be th' journey he will be havin' made.

`Tis th' journey o' an upstarboard an' honorable man — th' kind o' swabbie whose name ye will find on war memorials in wee towns across this country, only he be among them who came homeport.

T' th' most powerful office on Earth, he would brin' th' compassion that comes from havin' once been powerless ... th' wisdom that comes e'en t' th' captives, by th' grace o' God ... th' special confidence o' them who be havin' seen evil, an' seen how evil be overcome. A swabbie prisoner o' war, a man named Tom Moe o' Lancaster, Ohio, recalls lookin' through a pinhole in his cell door as Lt. Cmdr. John McCain be led down th' hallway, by th' guards, tide after tide.

As th' story be told, "When McCain shuffled aft from torturous interrogations, he would turn toward Moe`s door an' flash a grin an' thumbs up" — as if t' say, "We`re goin' t' pull through this." Me swabbie Americans, that be th' kind o' man America needs t' be seein' us through these next four voyages.

Fer a season, a gifted speaker can inspire wi' his words.

Fer a lifetime, John McCain has inspired wi' his deeds.

If character be th' measure in this election ... an' hope th' theme ... an' change th' goal we share, then I ask ye t' join our cause. Join our cause an' help America elect a great man as th' next president o' th' United States.

Thank ye all, an' may God bless America."

Carly Fiorina: Open Mouth, Insert Foot

For the sake of those who missed it several years ago, here is a link to the old Carly/HP parody website. It has not been updated lately, since HP was much funnier when Carly was running it, but rest assured it hits very close to home. Scroll down to the "Karla Fidora" menu for links to some of the favorite articles, although they are sprinkled throughout the site.

Mitt's True Feelings about McCain

Hockey Moms for Truth

Where's this wire going???

Here is a closeup of the Palin head. Ooops! There's a wire going from her back to something in her ear. Is this where she gets those great answers from? I have no idea whether these photos were taken the same day. This one was published first at the HuffPost.

Sarah has a "Bush Bump" On her back!

Is she taking orders directly from the American Enterprise Institute and AIPAC from this device? From Karl Rove? Just a poor fitting jacket from the Wasilla Dress Barn?

Any other photo evidence of this? Click on photo to enlarge. Photo from CNN.com.